Got a toothbrush?
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
