I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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