Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
