Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
