No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
