2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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