So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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