i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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