I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
