Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
