I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
