She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
