i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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