Michael Bay diarrhea
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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