Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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