1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
