I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
