Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
