I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
