I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
