i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
