Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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