I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
