I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
