We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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