When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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