i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
