I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize