Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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