drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
