oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
People with herpes should wear stickers.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize