I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
