that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
