I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
