Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
