the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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