If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
