So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
