There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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