her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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