ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
