i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
