I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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