I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
