found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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