You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
