On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
