I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Pappa wants mamma naked
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize