if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
