this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
