i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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