i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Houston, we have a blender
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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