just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize