A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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