never play flip cup with pint glasses
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
