listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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