Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
