and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
