maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
