I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
