He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
do herpes really smell.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
