Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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