He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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