i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
