Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
