Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
