My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
