if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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