dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
