dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
