Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
