Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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