There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
