Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
