hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
