so that wasnt chicken after all
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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