We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
