Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
