There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
