Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
