So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
