i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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