I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think your dad took our porno
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
