Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
