I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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