There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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